Author Topic: Did I really mean to say that!  (Read 1917 times)

Chris Thomas

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Did I really mean to say that!
« on: April 29, 2013, 08:12:31 PM »
This is about as far off topic as perhaps you can get

I was sent this as examples of inclusions in church magazines, that were misinterpreted by the readers.

As editor of RCN I an constantly on the lookout for this kind of thing, to ensure they are avoided in the magazine.

I hope you enjoy them.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


Chris Thomas

richard

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Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2013, 08:27:52 PM »
The mothers and babies group meet in the church annexe . Those wishing to join but are as yet not mothers please see the verger after the service.
outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read .Groucho Marx 1895-1977

marcus

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Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2013, 06:37:21 PM »
Chortle!
Just remember: as one door closes behind you, another slams in your face

Big Al

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Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2013, 07:09:37 PM »
and the Wheelton. Ooooh Ffestiniog!
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For sale - Vellam Isetta, Bamby, AC Type 70, Velorex, Church Pod, Reliant Mk5, KR200,  Saab 96, Bellemy Trials, Citroen BXs