Author Topic: Did I really mean to say that!  (Read 6953 times)

Chris Thomas

  • Administrator
  • Prolific Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1261
  • old Banana
Did I really mean to say that!
« on: April 29, 2013, 08:12:31 PM »
This is about as far off topic as perhaps you can get

I was sent this as examples of inclusions in church magazines, that were misinterpreted by the readers.

As editor of RCN I an constantly on the lookout for this kind of thing, to ensure they are avoided in the magazine.

I hope you enjoy them.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
 
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
 
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
 
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
 
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
 
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
 
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
 
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
 
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
 
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
 
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
 
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
 
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
 
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
 
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
 
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
 
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
 
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
 
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
 
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
 
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
 
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


Chris Thomas

richard

  • Rich
  • Prolific Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 4458
  • Bond ,Gordon,Bruetsch
Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2013, 08:27:52 PM »
The mothers and babies group meet in the church annexe . Those wishing to join but are as yet not mothers please see the verger after the service.
outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read .Groucho Marx 1895-1977

marcus

  • Moderator
  • Prolific Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2676
    • http://marcusdemowbray.wordpress.com/
Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2013, 06:37:21 PM »
Chortle!
Just remember: as one door closes behind you, another slams in your face

Big Al

  • Prolific Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 4578
  • Ranttweiler, biting the breeze block of banter
Re: Did I really mean to say that!
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2013, 07:09:37 PM »
and the Wheelton. Ooooh Ffestiniog!
Messerschmitt set, Goggo Darts, Heinkel 175, Fiat Jolly, Autobianchi, Fairthorpe Electron Minor, Borgward, Isuzu Trooper
Citroen BX 17TZD & GTI 16v
Held - MG Magnette ZB & 4/44
For sale - Vellam Isetta, Bamby, AC Type 70, Velorex, Church Pod, Reliant Mk5, KR200,  Saab 96, Bellemy Trials, Citroen BXs